He’s checking his list…
Herro Santa. I’ve been a terribly awesome person this year, I think I deserve for you to buy me this shit.
1. Yo I want some games like the new Zelda, that shit look tight, Batman: Arkham City and the game that everyone I know has been raving about… Skyrim.
Actually, fuck it santa, I’m sorry but I know I already have this. You can keep your narratively dry (?) FPS and let me get lost in the epic quests of Skyrim. Boom.
2. Fancy getting me a fancy new swagged-out house? Yeah, yeah you can get me this house if you want.
We all know it’ll come in handy. I can fucking smell the apocalypse from here. And if you want to be extra nice you fancy giving be the next habitable planet?
3. A bike. With an engine strapped on. And said license to ride the beast. Get me something sick like some cruiser/chopper/ rider. Also ask your homeboy Jesus to make sure I don’t get in any super fucked-up crashes. Tanks.
4. World Peace. Why not? I have an idea how this could be solved…
5. End religion. It’s really been annoying me this year. It’s just ridiculous. Get over it. The quicker we can move on, the better we’ll be. I could go on but I’ll leave that to some crazy rant later in the future. (I understand the irony somewhat that Christmas is based upon the Lord Jesus escaping from Mary’s womb, somehow placed there by some hairy dude in a cloud/heaven/other dimension.)
6. Kill all producers of reality TV. Hopefully that’ll make a point. NO MORE REALITY, C-LIST CELEBRITY, FLY ON THE WALL, FAKE SHIT ON MY BOX! TOWIE, IM BARELY A CELEB IN A JUNGLE, X FACTOR. There has got to be fucking up. Give me something to make me think or re-ignite my creativity. On that note can we have no more x factor christmas number one.
7. New job. Simple. In fact, want to just give me a career in making my stories come true in a variety of mediums. That’ll be sweet. Talking about that; Manimals is on the way.
8. Money. Stacks of it. Fill my new house with it.
10. Make me incredibly super powered. Something along the lines of Goku from DBZ. Totally badass set of skills there padré.
Would even take Jedi. Actually anything.
12. A sweet new camera to film things on. It’s been way to long since I’ve had my paws on a decent video camera. So long in fact that I can’t even remember what a good camera looks like.
13. A genuine holiday. I don’t think I’ve been anywhere in the last two years (abroad) for more than 4 days. Anywhere
You’re the Shit!
Jacob Theodore Donald Gucci-Gucci William Balin of Belhegar Pleace.
- Most Popular Christmas Films Leave Christ Out (trinityspeaks.wordpress.com)
- 12 Days of Joyswag: Batman: Arkham City game, controller, shirt (joystiq.com)
- Article: An Annotated Map of Skyrim Big Enough to Put on Your Wall | Kotaku (devilsleep.wordpress.com)
- 2011 Spike Video Game Awards: Complete Winners List (asilee.com)
- Santahatesme Support Group (howthehelldidienduphere.wordpress.com)