The New Year has Cometh.

I’m not sure if I’ve really noticed but, yes, it is 2012. Woo! I’ve been way too involved with all my christmas presents to even pretend to care about resuming normal live. Why can’t it be christmas all the time? It’s probably because we’d all die. You can’t watch films all day, eating gorgeous fat-laden foods and generally relishing in the decadence of the season without some nice DVT setting in to your new obese legs or a nice present in the form of type 2 diabetes.

This is what happens when you live Xmas everyday. If you look back at the picture his eyes are kinda pained.

Anyway enough about my secret fat fears. This year, according to the Mayans/certain Christians/complete crackpots, is the year the world comes to an end….again. So we only have to ride out these poor economic times for a few more months now before a) the sun explodes b) universe collapses c) the earth gets all H.A.M. on us and blows its shit or d) all of the above. It’s going to happen sooner or later so why not now? Whatever we do in the time between now and when it happens is pointless anyway, unless you somehow manage to jump out of our reality, wait for the universe to restart, wait a few million years for sentient life to evolve and then jump back in to see if the Simpsons survived as well. You’d more than likely be treated as a God! Wait… has this happened before?

So any woo let’s just have fun in the meantime, orrkay? The best thing you can do is just to not be a dick! We only got one life and, to an even greater extent, only one existence so is there really any space to be an absolute fuck head? No. Not at all.

Besides, by the time the universe does come to an end, humanity would have destroyed itself somehow. Oh hi Kim Jong Un, what shiny nukes you have….


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